Coping with post deployment

Almost everyone who has spent time in Iraq or Afghanistan

has experienced something very stressful. Studies show that deployed to these areas find that traumatic experiences—such as being attacked or ambushed, having to handle or uncover human remains, and knowing someone who was seriously injured or killed—are common. If a family member had similar experiences in Iraq or Afghanistan, he or she is not alone.

Returning to civilian life involves more than just hanging up a uniform. The transition process encompasses a number of concerns and continues long after the initial demobilization. The greatest responsibility for continuing the transition process falls upon those with the greatest contact with returning veterans: their families, their employers, and their reserve units. To succeed, each of these support systems must be armed with specific knowledge about the key issues facing returning veterans so they have access to proper resources when issues arise.

Unfortunately, these support systems may not fully recognize and diagnose a problem as it is developing. Families and employers frequently learn of a veteran’s difficulties when they reach a crisis stage that requires immediate intervention, placing them in a reactive mode with insufficient resources and information.

There are many signs of "something wrong". Reuniting and readjusting after deployment, including re-establishing intimacy.
Considerations for those coming home and those at home waiting for you.


Be aware that some things may have changed while you were gone.

 Expect your partner to be 'different'.

 'Roles' at home may have changed in order to manage normal chores.

 Your expectations may be different from your partner's expectations. Talk about them.

 Face-to-face communication may be hard at first.

 Expect friends/partner to remember promises made by phone/letters.

 Sexual intimacy may be awkward at first.

 Partners may be more independent and have learned new coping skills - this doesn't mean you're less loved or less important.

 Friends/partners may have new friends, job, support systems.

 You may have changed in your outlook on life and with your priorities - how do friends/family fit into this?

 Expect the possibility of a homecoming 'letdown' (things do not necessarily go to plan or expectation).
 Children have grown and will be 'different' in many ways.

 That 'perfect' reunion with your child may not occur.

 Go easy on stories about where you have been or what you have done.


Considerations for those that stayed home:

1. The member on deployment may have 'changed'.

2. Members may be unused to the noise and confusion of family or unused to crowds/cities/heat/cold/quiet.

3. Members may feel 'threatened' by their partner's new friends/support systems, or wonder how they fit into this group of friends or the family now.

4. Members may feel hurt if the children are slow to show affection.

5. Avoid scheduling too many activities or get-togethers.

6. Go slow in making adjustments and be patient.

7. Remind home-comer that they're still needed and much loved.

Tips for readjusting:

8. Talk to each other and listen.

9. Remember previously unresolved problems may surface.

10. Support good things your friends/partner/family have done.

11. Be prepared to make some adjustments.

12. Go slowly when re-establishing your place with friends/family.

13. Curb any desire to take immediate control.

14. Give each other a little space.

15. Expect that things that worked before might not work now.

Remember there are support agencies that can help you to talk things through

TALKING WITH OTHERS

Communication is key to dealing with post-deployment stress and can help make the adjustment easier for everyone.

Your Family Member. Talking with your returning family member is an important way to become comfortable with each other again after a separation, and talking can provide very important support for you both. Your family member may not want to talk about deployment, and you may not want to talk about your own post-deployment stress. But often the best thing for families is to talk openly about thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This will let you work together to move forward. It is normal for families to need time to adjust when a person returns home from deployment. Keeping the lines of communication open can help. It may be helpful to set aside a time every day to check in; for example, in the morning before your day begins or before going to sleep at night.

Children. Children are usually comfortable with routines, so they may have a hard time with the changes that occur when your family member comes home. Depending on their age, they may have questions and concerns. It is often more scary for children when they feel kept in the dark, so if your child asks questions, you can explain what is going on in a way that they will understand. Children need to know that it’s okay to ask questions—a lot will be changing when your family member comes home, but expecting children to follow the same family rules is important, too. As with your returning family member, think about scheduling a regular time with your children to check in. Reassure them that someone will always be available to take care of them.

Health Care Providers. If you are feeling overwhelmed after your family member comes home, you can talk in private with a health care provider, such as a doctor, nurse, psychologist, or other mental health professional. They will be familiar with the ups and downs that families can experience when a person returns home from deployment. Make an appointment specifically to discuss how you are feeling. Don’t feel like you’ve got only one chance to ask a health care provider for help. After your first appointment, set up another appointment so that you and the provider can follow up on your progress. If you decide to meet with a mental health professional, you may meet on a regular basis (likely once a week) until things settle down and you feel less overwhelmed.

Other Family Members of Veterans. It can be helpful to connect with other people who have recently welcomed a military family member home. Your local hospital or VA may have a network you can use to contact other families of people that have returned from deployment, experiencing similar feelings and emotions.

YOU MUST ALWAYS BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF AND EACH OTHER. Don’t expect improvement overnight—if your family member is dealing with PTSD, TBI, or depression, it can take time for him or her to recover and time for you to adjust. Things will probably feel a little easier every day. It may help to slowly return to your normal routines as a family. After the reunion, it can sometimes feel like you are making mistakes or doing things "wrong." Try not to blame yourself. Remember that readjustment after deployment is complicated and that everyone—family members and returning veterans—can make mistakes, even when they are doing the best they can.